Love sometimes gets tired of speaking sweetly,
And wants to rip to shreds all of our erroneous notions of truth
that make you fight within yourself
Causing the world to weep on too many fine days.
God wants to manhandle us,
Lock us inside of a tiny room with Himself
And practice his dropkick
The Beloved sometimes needs
To do us a great favor,
Hold us upside down and shake all the nonsense out
For awhile I didn't know, didn't really care, wasn't impressed but got distracted. Then for a long time I wondered and believed the good feelings were enough. I thought of all the situations and how I would react knowing that none of the plans would actually play out how I prepared for. As my suspicions grew, my perspective cleared. Though I knew what I really wanted, the actual act of accepting the other reality did settle softly.
It's a silent battle that we march in, God places a little chant here and there to keep us going. Sometimes we see the blows coming and take them well, other times we set ourselves up for danger, and sometimes we just don't see it and it smacks you right down. Companionship isn't protection, but I know it can be happiness. So I brush off the dirt, record the lesson learned and say, march on. march on.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Few words to encapsulate a thousand
In life we are constantly asked "why" we do certain things in our life. This question is not limited to family and friends- strangers, peers, professors, leaders, and children all feel the simple phrase "why?" is important to ask. I wonder how many times I have the right answer. Though the desire and time spent processing an answer is not lacking in my life, the answer is not always a direct reflection. As I continue in my pursuit of knowledge, I have come to across words that almost capture the overwhelming yet fleeting feeling I have. But even this words are easily misplaced and not recorded. But I did manage to seize one,
"In serving others, we “find” ourselves in terms of acknowledging divine guidance in our lives. Furthermore, the more we serve our fellowmen in appropriate ways, the more substance there is to our souls. We become more significant individuals as we serve others. We become more substantive as we serve others—indeed, it is easier to “find” ourselves because there is so much more of us to find!"
Sometimes I wonder what is really left after the finding, but if it helps me take one more step then I will continue on.
"In serving others, we “find” ourselves in terms of acknowledging divine guidance in our lives. Furthermore, the more we serve our fellowmen in appropriate ways, the more substance there is to our souls. We become more significant individuals as we serve others. We become more substantive as we serve others—indeed, it is easier to “find” ourselves because there is so much more of us to find!"
Sometimes I wonder what is really left after the finding, but if it helps me take one more step then I will continue on.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
whatever happen to my nightshade hoodies
How would I describe the two people who have come to consume thelargest portion of my life as winter term rolled into spring. I havehad friends, most of who have become married or established themselvesin places unreachable by a quick drive around town, a local phone cal,a pebble on the window, or midnight rendezvous. I had come to missall is involved with companionships that can not be trivially labeledas friendships due to Hallmark's desegregation of what that word trulyshould imply. As I write out thoughts I think of how there has been,are and will be entities/individuals (people is to impersonal andgeneral) in my life who come and sometimes sadly fade away but withthem comes the makings of a story that collaborates random sections ofmy travel through salvation, each one placed together to fabricate arevealing of my life, showing how each personage has weaved into mylife-coloring, warping, spinning and elevating my existence andcharacter.-the discussions of things, sharing of profound thoughts, retelling ofchildhood memories, embarrassments of teenage adolescence, bellylaughs, knowing glances, confusion and tension, exertion of stressbalanced by the entertainment of excitement, imaginary plans, reallife fantasies, unusual dreams, being ditched, dumped, pursued,tricked, liked, crushed, touched, spiritual insights, life questions,silly thoughts, honest truths, sarcasm at its best, physicaltransformations, aspirations, shifting interests, phases, necessaryteasing, exaggerate compliments, pretentious snobbery, recognition ofself, parents, opening of perceptions, driving around, support,acknowledgment, travels, letters, emails, late phone calls, crappyjobs, concerts, drama, accidents, and love
Il Dulce-
Though you would never really know it from your first encounters, in the exchange of general conversation, or even from his church
gospel is at an obscure level that few perceive and can acquire. His faith is the kind that is based form experience and respect of the truth. You can sense it when he speaks of certain things directly, butI mostly observe it in his unique ability to sense and respond to the deeper unspoken needs of those he cares about. He doesn't approach you in a typical superficial priesthood need to fulfill their calling manner, maybe he's not even exactly sure of what you need and he doesn't try to automatically fill the void with the fullness it necessarily require. Instead he employs that gift he posses, that an appropriate adjective and name, he will patiently wait for the time or will reach out and connect with you. It is a mechanism of comfort. Yet, I would have to say that most people don't even recognize their appeal for john for this, instead they translate their feelings, satisfaction and enjoyment into thinking he is just fun to have around or they unknowingly cling to him as a friend. I believe this the true employment of profound and innate understanding of principles we all strive to live.
Clifford, however, is different.
I have tried to explain to him how I think he is one of the few most scholarly people I know. Yet, my vocal words always seem to fail me and my messily description does not give full allegiance or explanation of the truth of my statement and the basic fact. I haven't met a guy at my age that so craves knowledge and tries to fill his quota of intellectual intake with so much time or pure desire. Who would honestly spend their whole day in scholarly pursuits if it was possible and sane? Of course, there are older men, exceptional geniuses, and Ivy League attendances that have devoted and created a professional life originally founded by this drive. Yet it seems to have become to earn a means of living. Or create an unhealthy, but part of understanding the infinite facets of life. In his modesty, cliff tries to claim that at least he is doing a good job faking his great interest and devotion to acquiring intellect. But I say that no one could fake the truth so well. His belief he may be an imposter only further illustrates the person that he is. The depicted image of a youthful scholar set amidst those who play X-Box daily and carelessly focus on other things may project a something resembling snobbery. But with cliff there is no pretentiousness, lack of appreciation or failure to enjoy him in arenas that are definitely not renowned for the intellectual improvement. You never feel as if cliff lowers himself in order to interact with those "less scholarly driven" because he has an inherent nature way of not just hovering but habituating like an immersed permanent tourist circling through realms of higher intellectual contemplation and pursuit, crude humor, simple pleasures, popular culture, female sensitivity, human indulgences, and the life of neighborhood streets. Despite his ease among all I can't help but wonder when or if he will sometime decided to stay above it all, surrounding himself by those who are considered advanced based upon philosophical fallacies. No matter what, cliff will remain clearly the underplayed ideal because of his unwavering kind and open character. Part of me is scared that he will choose to become a devote scholar, kept away in rooms of books or unreachable dominions of thought cultivating his mind but not utilizing his disposition in a world who needs it. Or he will become successful in the materialistic and shrewd world, beginning with good intentions but succeeding because of perspicacity.
Il Dulce-
Though you would never really know it from your first encounters, in the exchange of general conversation, or even from his church
gospel is at an obscure level that few perceive and can acquire. His faith is the kind that is based form experience and respect of the truth. You can sense it when he speaks of certain things directly, butI mostly observe it in his unique ability to sense and respond to the deeper unspoken needs of those he cares about. He doesn't approach you in a typical superficial priesthood need to fulfill their calling manner, maybe he's not even exactly sure of what you need and he doesn't try to automatically fill the void with the fullness it necessarily require. Instead he employs that gift he posses, that an appropriate adjective and name, he will patiently wait for the time or will reach out and connect with you. It is a mechanism of comfort. Yet, I would have to say that most people don't even recognize their appeal for john for this, instead they translate their feelings, satisfaction and enjoyment into thinking he is just fun to have around or they unknowingly cling to him as a friend. I believe this the true employment of profound and innate understanding of principles we all strive to live.
Clifford, however, is different.
I have tried to explain to him how I think he is one of the few most scholarly people I know. Yet, my vocal words always seem to fail me and my messily description does not give full allegiance or explanation of the truth of my statement and the basic fact. I haven't met a guy at my age that so craves knowledge and tries to fill his quota of intellectual intake with so much time or pure desire. Who would honestly spend their whole day in scholarly pursuits if it was possible and sane? Of course, there are older men, exceptional geniuses, and Ivy League attendances that have devoted and created a professional life originally founded by this drive. Yet it seems to have become to earn a means of living. Or create an unhealthy, but part of understanding the infinite facets of life. In his modesty, cliff tries to claim that at least he is doing a good job faking his great interest and devotion to acquiring intellect. But I say that no one could fake the truth so well. His belief he may be an imposter only further illustrates the person that he is. The depicted image of a youthful scholar set amidst those who play X-Box daily and carelessly focus on other things may project a something resembling snobbery. But with cliff there is no pretentiousness, lack of appreciation or failure to enjoy him in arenas that are definitely not renowned for the intellectual improvement. You never feel as if cliff lowers himself in order to interact with those "less scholarly driven" because he has an inherent nature way of not just hovering but habituating like an immersed permanent tourist circling through realms of higher intellectual contemplation and pursuit, crude humor, simple pleasures, popular culture, female sensitivity, human indulgences, and the life of neighborhood streets. Despite his ease among all I can't help but wonder when or if he will sometime decided to stay above it all, surrounding himself by those who are considered advanced based upon philosophical fallacies. No matter what, cliff will remain clearly the underplayed ideal because of his unwavering kind and open character. Part of me is scared that he will choose to become a devote scholar, kept away in rooms of books or unreachable dominions of thought cultivating his mind but not utilizing his disposition in a world who needs it. Or he will become successful in the materialistic and shrewd world, beginning with good intentions but succeeding because of perspicacity.
so close, yet so far away
he's the person who makes me laugh just by saying my name, rubs my shoulders with a strange curiousity, touches my feet with fascination, belays my climbs and pushes me harder, barely kisses me goodnight, squeezes into my sleeping bag with me, makes my heart cringe when i think about leaving to a dreamland, promises me farms and gardens, lets me drool on his sleeve, trusts me with his roommates, smiles as i lie next to him, tucks my toes in, and makes my stomach flop. it almost seems to real to surreal. it almost seems to quick but to slow. i want longevity but relish in the newness.
The Ambience of Love
We all
Sit in his orchestra,
Some play their
Fiddles,
Some wield their
Clubs,
Tonight is worthy of music.
Let's drown in the delicious
Ambience of
Love.
This One is Mine
Someone put
You on a slave block
And the unreal bought
You.
Now I keep coming to your owner
Saying,
"This one is mine."
You often overhear us talking
And this can make your heart leap
With excitement.
Don't worry
I will not let sadness
Possess you.
I will gladly borrow all the gold
I need To get you
Back.
God's Party
If God
Invited you to a party
And said,
"Everyone
In the ballroom tonight
Will be my special
Guest,"
How would you then treat them
When you Arrived?
Indeed, indeed!
And Hafiz knows
THere is no one in this world
Who is not upon
His jeweled Dance Floor.
We all
Sit in his orchestra,
Some play their
Fiddles,
Some wield their
Clubs,
Tonight is worthy of music.
Let's drown in the delicious
Ambience of
Love.
This One is Mine
Someone put
You on a slave block
And the unreal bought
You.
Now I keep coming to your owner
Saying,
"This one is mine."
You often overhear us talking
And this can make your heart leap
With excitement.
Don't worry
I will not let sadness
Possess you.
I will gladly borrow all the gold
I need To get you
Back.
God's Party
If God
Invited you to a party
And said,
"Everyone
In the ballroom tonight
Will be my special
Guest,"
How would you then treat them
When you Arrived?
Indeed, indeed!
And Hafiz knows
THere is no one in this world
Who is not upon
His jeweled Dance Floor.
I hold the lion's paw
i just feel so full of emotion. i know i should sleep but all i want to do is make jokes and laugh and cry and talk to anyone, someone. i should just pray. its the best thing for me. that is where i will find comfort. i listen to the wanteds which don't help my emotional state. i feel like i have gone through so much to get to the point i was at. then once again i just got sidewhacked and then beaten down. its not fair- that is what i just wanted to write. but i realize my life is more than fair. if this is what i have to deal with. then i will deal with it. i will let it be what is suppose to be. i don't things are given out as they are deserved but i do think that eventually, it will come around and tap you on the shoulder and say here i am, take me.
Stolen glances and Innuendos
"I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life ... to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived...." - Henry david Thoreau
so i stole this quote, and i am happy i did. and though the quote embodies thoughts that i have at once had, the place inwhich it was stolen is the real significance. it came from a man, who i can not name, however, i am intrigued by him. i have never met him and have already predicted some of his more prominent characteristics, yet i believe that where is and what he is doing and to still be doing it, there must be something special that i wish to see.
so i stole this quote, and i am happy i did. and though the quote embodies thoughts that i have at once had, the place inwhich it was stolen is the real significance. it came from a man, who i can not name, however, i am intrigued by him. i have never met him and have already predicted some of his more prominent characteristics, yet i believe that where is and what he is doing and to still be doing it, there must be something special that i wish to see.
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