big john, my music mix master
so even as i write this i am watching as the blue upload bar slowly drive itself to the opposite end of the line, waiting for my final hit. i have immersed myself in the anxiousness and twisted pleasure of waiting for that next song to send itself to itunes and filter through my speakers. . . it was getting close to midnight and i contemplated the idea of being responsible and going to bed. however, i had decided that despite the list of chores sitting in front of me, going through my saved mp3s on my email sounded much more appealing. so that is what i did. i opened the folder via gmail and began. at first i loved it and delighted in the occasional songs i knew. then somewhere in the middle of it i felt overwhelmed. so many songs to press "download" to and so little patience for them to download and then really give them the attention they needed. but if i didn't do it now, then when would i. i just kept thinking i wasn't doing this properly. in addition, i was trying to scratch down some notes about the music to later share with the friends and family who sent them to me. it was like i was in college all over again trying to cram through a piece of literature for class the next day.
then as song number 25 came around, the clouds parted and the gentle warming rays of enjoyment shown down on me as the music gods granted me the gift of something resembling a music high. i began to float amidst the songs in ecstasy. so much music, pumping through my veins and ear valves. i indulged. i overdosed. it was wonderful. i have never been very good at taking things slow and processing them one at a time. instead i seem to starve, scavenger, overanalyze and then upon discovery devour and ingest based on the false truth that all the previous time in denial justified my throw-caution-to-the-wind-actions. not true, but for a period of time - ever so satisfying. and naturally makes for a good story later, like most thing ridiculous and self-apparent.
so tonight, i close and say thank you b.croxall and big john. thank you. my addiction has been fed and i fall asleep flooded and exhausted.
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