elpmis.

i believe the world could survive on simple, with a touch of grand.

tonight at the mission, i was worthy enough to have the job of the "clicker". though the task is seemingly menial it holds great significance. it means that mr. kim trusts you and you alone to hold the magical tool that allows people to enter and partake of a warm meal. mr. kim believes it takes a strong hand and conservative actions. i, on the other hand, stay true to myself and don't use either technique. instead there is a lot of smiling, hugs, honest interaction and bursts of activity.  usually the job involves the "clicker" taking a wrapped fork from the basket, clicking the counter, and allowing people in 5 at a time.  tonight, however, a significant component was missing- forks. so instead, after a bit of waiting, someone would dump a pile forks and napkins in my basket, leaving me to play catch up. in my frantic rush to get hungry, patient people in, i would grab a stack of each, balance them in my arms and try to put one and one together and hand them to the person in a semi appealing manner. about half the time i failed, with forks and ripped napkins dangling from my arms, i was laughing and trying to not drop the group, while still welcoming each person. sometime in the middle of the chaos, a tall man with a gentle smile and worn out hat, just patted my shoulder as he walked through, half shaking his head and said, "it's nice to see such a happy smile, you are doing a good job."

simple, with a touch of grand.

i am a survivor

last night after a very long week and even longer day, i decided to pick up a film at red box for brandon and i to watch. i picked up the film and  went inside the house in full of anticipation of turning off my brain and indulging in a little cinematic delight. yet, when i opened up the dvd case and i was horrified to find that the dvd inside was actually "p.s. i love you" not the movie i had choosen. now the real blow wasn't really the fact that i couldn't watch the movie, but the fact i rented the same movie as someone who watches movies like "p.s i love you". however, after i recovered from the shock, i quickly gathered my poor grad student wits and looked for retribution for the $1 i spent. ( thrifty or cheap?) i looked on the redbox website under the FAQ "What do I do if the wrong dvd is in the movie case?" This is what it says:

"Please contact our Customer Service Group at 1.866.REDBOX3. All Redbox customer service reps have personally been through our proprietary Rental Trauma Simulator and know what it's like to have a scratched disc ruin the last 20 minutes of a film or to open one case and find another movie instead. They will resolve your issue. Please note that Redbox cannot refund charges that are older than 90 days. " 

I called the redbox hotline and dramatically told jermaine, " I am traumatized." After about 30 minutes on hold, Jermaine who may be trained in rental trauma but obviously not in how to work the redbox computer system, gave me a free promo code. now thanks to jermaine, i am now able to live a fulfilling life as a redbox post-traumatic dvd rental veteran. bless america.

loser's find

the following items were found in my front yard over the weekend:

 half a plastic olive green hanger

 a miniature red pagoda

bimbo wrapper

my bike kickstand

a stretched out wire

firework remnants

standard plastic Safeway shopping bag

a decapitated doll

a plastic plate

this is how it is in our neighborhood. i wake up, go outside for my run, spot trash, shake my head (at first in disbelief now out of habit), return home, let aidan out, pick up trash, begin day, wake up the next day, repeat. 

last night i was a Thundercat

it was glorious. i felt as if i possessed powers given to me from an unknown source. but what good is a Thundercat without his posse. and a posse i had. as the moonlight classic brought us together, it also fought to tear us apart. but thanks to the call shouted from our short short wearing leader, in the darkness of the night filled with bikes, lights, helmets and bars, we were able to come together in strength, as nothing less than The Thundercats. We may not have conquered the course and in the end some were lost but our original crew held on long till the end, helping us to truly understand what it is to be a Thundercat.

so in the night when you hear the words, "Sword of omen, give me strength beyond strength", your proper response is, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

for those of you who don't understand. we rode the moonlight classic last weekend and we decided to name and locate our rowdy group of 16 by using the Thundercat call. others were just as jealous as you are reading this, i am sure.

retraction and emerging

so this post was in fact intended to go before the one previously. however, i often think and then act and then think later. a tragic process that contradicts itself and can make for a life knot. but please forgive enough to over look it and continue on. 

as you have read previously, i made great claims to blog about my so called great life. if you trust my blog, then it would seem that apparently i have done nothing for a series of weeks. untrue. therefore, i have made false promises to myself and to you. i am not sure which one will be affected by permanent damage. probably me, dang it.

nonetheless, i have come to terms with the fact i will not blog regularly or post lots of pictures. two things i do appreciate in most blogs follow. i have found peace in the fact that i will post occasionally and hopefully in words full of wit and a picture here and there. my new resolution is to make no promises and produce big. 

so be patient and keep reading when it comes along. 

instrumental fix

big john, my music mix master

a musical high 

so even as i write this i am watching as the blue upload bar slowly drive itself to the opposite end of the line, waiting for my final hit. i have immersed myself in the anxiousness and twisted pleasure of waiting for that next song to send itself to itunes and filter through my speakers.  .  . it was getting close to midnight and i contemplated the idea of being responsible and going to bed. however, i had decided that despite the list of chores sitting in front of me, going through my saved mp3s on my email sounded much more appealing. so that is what i did. i opened the folder via gmail and began. at first i loved it and delighted in the occasional songs i knew. then somewhere in the middle of it i felt overwhelmed. so many songs to press "download" to and so little patience for them to download and then really give them the attention they needed. but if i didn't do it now, then when would i.  i just kept thinking i wasn't doing this properly. in addition, i was trying to scratch down some notes about the music to later share with the friends and family who sent them to me. it was like i was in college all over again trying to cram through a piece of literature for class the next day. 

then as song number 25 came around, the clouds parted and the gentle warming rays of enjoyment shown down on me as the music gods granted me the gift of something resembling a music high. i began to float amidst the songs in ecstasy. so much music, pumping through my veins and ear valves. i indulged. i overdosed. it was wonderful.  i have never been very good at taking things slow and processing them one at a time. instead i seem to starve, scavenger, overanalyze and then upon discovery devour and ingest based on the false truth that all the previous time in denial justified my throw-caution-to-the-wind-actions. not true, but for a period of time - ever so satisfying. and naturally makes for a good story later, like most thing ridiculous and self-apparent.

so tonight, i close and say thank you b.croxall and big john. thank you. my addiction has been fed and i  fall asleep flooded and exhausted. 

cocoon annihilation

this post and the publication of my blog is a process within a process. as most may know and few realize, i tend to privatize my life into compartments to be shared accordingly and never without caution. i am not sure anyone even knew if this blog existed before this notification and i think i liked it that way. it played more as a venue for stream of thought. 

yet, as the blog age has taken off and some would say taken over, i have come to realize that it is time to put out what i have been doing and stop reading about others (don't be mistaken some of you have very well crafted blogs, i enjoy those, but honestly some are bad, really bad) i am hoping to subscribe to the clever, entertaining, and insightful category, however, that is a tall order that is often shorted. so you can decide and act accordingly. 

as you will see there are some previous posts. written at various stages. feel free to judge some of them as female musings and others as an attempt to trump pretentiousness. i will not apologize for any of them. they are what i wanted them to be at the time. yet, in the future, i will hope to make the blogs a little bit less ambiguous but still retaining a nature of reflection, record-keeping and attempting.  in addition, posts may be random and sporadic, but purposeful. a little like me